Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
