Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
