A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
