i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
