Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
