i just had sex bonerless
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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