Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
