if i can run in heels then i can drive
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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