I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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