he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so let's talk penis.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
