I accidentally had phone sex last night
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
