what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
