i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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