Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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