Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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