remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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