is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
