what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
