All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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