The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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