can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
