He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
