Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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