yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
