theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
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We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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