She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
