The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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