mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You did what with his pubic hair?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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