I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
