your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
