would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have aggressive nipples.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
