I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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