I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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