I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
