Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
