One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
