Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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