ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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