I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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