There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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