im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
