She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
