I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
