to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
