I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
