We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
