that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
