Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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