Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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