cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
