your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
