Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
