I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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