i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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