the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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