Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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