If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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