chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
