i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize