I showed him my bush... on skype.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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