the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
