I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
