addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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