So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
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Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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