Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
