i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
