I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
