I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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