Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize