I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
