anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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