I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
