why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
