There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
