Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
