watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
